By this time last year, I was knee-deep in my last relapse that, I think, started around early October. The relapse lasted until the 28th of the month.
The word "relapse" indicate that there was a move towards undesirable conditions. I went from sober to shooting up every day. These days, what I find is that my sobriety experience is significantly better than my experience of getting high on t. Last time I was on it, I was consumed by psychosis. I thought I could hear people's thoughts and intentions. It was rough.
These days, sobriety, for me, means art-making. It means I can write poetry. It means I can tune in to inspiration. It means being with community. It means showing up as the full me: someone who's just doing their best in their own imperfect way.
It will be my birthday this Wednesday. Unlike before, I have no intentions of hiding myself away. I have come to realize that I am not to be ashamed of. Yes, I stumble. Yes, I make mistakes. But I'm learning. And I'm rediscovering my natural propensity for curiosity.
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