One month in

I've been the Executive Director for the Filipino arts org that I volunteer with for a month now. I've had more than 10 meetings with other orgs and community members and gone to five events (one of them lasting over the weekend) - all to continue to raise the org's profile and explore partnerships and collabs. It's been a hectic past month and I'm starting to feel it. I'm missing my husband and family a lot more. I want to start being intentional is blocking time off in my calendar. As much as I love the work, I love my husband and family more.

That being said, I have had some key-takeaways from the past month:

1. I'm learning how to balance the different priorities of the people that I work with. One may be a second-gen Filipino who may feel insecure of whether they're being "Filipino" enough. Another community member may be a first-gen who may not have the financial resources to participate in the arts. What do I do when these are translated in entities or organizations, where one org may be led by second-gens who have a lot of financial and social capital that gives them the means to explore their identity, and another org who is led by newcommers who are very critical of the Philippine government? What to do when the second-gens continue to partner and collab with the Philippine government (of which it's been demonstrated that they are complicit to the Palestinian genocide and continue to oppress the poor in the homeland), and the newcommer org who feel alienated and dismayed by this partnership?

2. Speaking of partnerships, I had a conversation with a fellow community leader, and a friend, last week after I found out that they didn't take the negative feedback they received about partnering with the cops, seriously. At first, yes, they were quite dismissive. I let them know that it's not the partnership that troubles me (because, we all gotta eat, after all). Rather, it's how we respond to community feedback, especially when we're made aware that some community members feel triggered and unsafe by the presence of the cops. Personally, I would've listened to the community members with care and intention, making sure that the org's values of community are actually adhered to. My friend and community leader thanked me for the conversation and invited me for dinner at a later date. I respect him very much. He's done so many good things to the community.

3. Oppressive systems ensure their continuity and replication by making themselves indispensable to the community. Can we, instead of inflating the city budgets of oppressive systems, make direct investments to community organizations? Like, we in the arts have had vast experience making do with almost nothing. And so, transparency, fiscal responsibility, and accountability is imbedded in our organizational DNA. We know how to handle financial resources. So, please, invest in us, instead of filtering $ through oppressive systems down to the community.

Going forward, I will continue to take ownership of my role. Having difficult conversations are hard. And I may be dismayed when people I respect, fail and stumble. But, I'm learning, and so are they.

But, can I just say, just between you and I - I miss having more time to myself. There, I said it. I'm not complaining because I worked hard to be where I am right now. I'm in my element, and at the same time, I'm learning a lot about community development and leadership. But, fuck it's hard.

I love my husband dearly. He's been such a source of strength and wisdom.