I first used crystal meth sometime in late 2004 or early 2005 when a hookup offered me the pipe. I'll write more of what was happening in my life at that time that made it so easy for me to be quickly addicted to it. However, I'd like to write here about how a person I met online became one of my lifelines during my early struggles with the drug. They were my lifeline because they impacted me positively when I met them, and they gave me a lesson that I still carry today.
By 2005, I was already heavily addicted to it. I don't quite remember which platform I met Chad that year, it might have been X (then Twitter). He was posting about his sobriety from the same drug by taking selfies of him with a note of how long he's been sober on that day. I reached out to him privately, and we started emailing back and forth. I don't think I have those emails anymore, but I do remember him lending an empathetic space for me to talk about my own struggles.
Eventually, after a few emails back and forth, I lost interest and stopped replying to him, as I continued to go deeper into my addiction. One day, I saw him post the below picture on his social. I don't remember if I ever reached out back to him to thank him, or to let him know that I was still around. However, we eventually lost contact, until I found him on IG in Jan of 2023. I immediately sent him a DM, where I said, "Hi Chad, I don't expect you to remember me but you and I exchanged emails many years ago where you coached me when I was struggling with meth addiction. You inspired me to get better. You even sent me a pic of you holding a note saying "For Joey", which is my nickname. I hope you are well. Sending you lots of love and greetings."
He replied with the picture below.
When I saw this picture for the first time in 2005, I felt seen.
Like, SEEN.
One of the many reasons why I think I got so easily addicted to meth was because I felt invisible, that I didn't matter. That I was inconsequential. When Chad posted this pic and I saw my nickname written on the piece of paper - my nickname that only my family calls me by - I felt the first stirrings of being expansive and impactful. Someone knows me! Someone cares!
I'll write more later about other lifelines I've met in my journey, such as the Haitian restaurant manager who gave me a free meal and a place to sleep in in Montreal after I went in to their restaurant and told to them that I was stranded in the city with no money, coming down on crystal, and very hungry because I hadn't eaten in days.
Lifelines are crucial. Be open to them, because they come in all different forms. Just as important, to pay it forward, if one has the resources and are able.
No comments:
Post a Comment