Who am I, really? I ask because I’m curious. I ask because I
really don’t know. Yes, I know what I value: community, softness, the courage
to admit when I don’t know something, allowing myself to feel pleasure. In
Sunday School at church, I was told that I asked too many questions. When I was
young, I was taught to mock those who are different from me. I was taught to be
careless with other people’s feelings. In looking back, while some adults
taught me the value of love and careful attention, some adults taught me what
not to do. Even now, some leaders I see are also teaching me how not to be a
leader. So, as I ask myself what it means to be a Treaty Person here on Turtle
Island, I take notes on what I’ve been taught, and settle on who I want to be.
I may have lost decades of my life in addiction, a length of time that some
people around me have used to earn their PhDs. Two decades for me, of relapse,
hospital visits, friends I’ve lost, stints in rehab, sitting in therapy
sessions. I ask, then, what do I have to show for it? That question used to
depress me. I could’ve been this person, or that person, I used to say to
myself.
But now, I know that I’m a Treaty Person. I have rights and
responsibilities on Turtle Island. And I’m here for it all.
I’m on a road to be crystal-clear. Yesterday, the somatic
workshop I’ve been in with other queer men for the past few weeks ended. We
were all in our own journey of recovery from crystal meth use. I walked away
from it with new connections, new friends as companions on this journey of
being crystal-clear. I used to think that my lived experience was something to
be ashamed of. Something to hide. Who would want an HIV+ person who is in
recovery from being an intravenous drug user, to be part of an arts
organization, let alone be its leader? We do, my colleagues said two weeks ago,
as they appointed me their next Executive Director. We want to be with you in
this journey as we make art for the community.
Prompt: How do you want to spend your time?
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